Confessions of an Aspie

My confession is that I never feel my age. Intellectually, I have always felt that I have been many years ahead of the people in my age group. Based off of my understanding of certain things as well as my view of the world, I often feel like a middle-aged to retirement-aged person. However, my social intelligence is far from impeccable. Based off of my social capabilities I feel that I am between the ages of 4 and 8. I have a seven year old sister who seems to have a much better understanding on how to interact with people than I do. Dating, going out, driving,and having parties are all things that I should be doing, but I am not.  I feel that I am not ready for it. I hear people talking about those things (many of which are much younger than I), and I feel small and inexperienced- like a young child.

I thought I was the mature one. I thought I was the intelligent one…. and I am, just perhaps, in a different way.

Characters on TV like Sheldon Cooper or Dr. Shaun Murphy who have autism or appear to be on the spectrum are much smarter than those around them, but when it comes to social aspects of their lives, they struggle immensely. Lucky for them, their piers and friends pick up on that and help them out. That is a good thing, but at the same time, no one likes needing help. Children always need help.

I did not realize it when I was a child because at that point almost everyone I knew was an adult, but now that I am an adult, I can see now that some part of me is always going to feel like a child. It makes me so angry that I care about that. I would much rather trade all of my social intelligence for math skills or something else in that vain. If I did, then I would not currently be aware of how the rest of my life is going to be nor would I feel melancholy over it.

Happy 2018,

SAsie blog